Why do I constantly feel like something terrible is going to happen? A rated R movie full of kidnappings and bloody endings is on a constant playback in my mind. Just in writing those first two sentences I've checked to make sure that Gideon wasn't smothered and Grayson hadn't rolled off the bed at a weird angle and cracked his neck. I know, I'm really fun at parties.
Is this normal anxiety or locked up mental institution crazy? Do you ponder destruction every time you enter a room? Do you hear a noise in your child's bedroom and automatically assume a psycho killer has chain-sawed through the wall and taken your child? Oh, it's just me?
Just to be clear, I don't push this level of crazy on the kids. I don't run screaming into the bedroom when I hear those sounds of death (or the tow truck slamming into the wall). I nonchalantly mosey on down the hall with my heart in my throat wondering if the last thing I had told my child was how much I loved him or how much he makes me want to jump off the roof.
And usually this doesn't effect our daily lives. I still punish. I still tell Grayson he's killing me one fit at a time. I still push the boundaries and -GASP- allow the children to be in a different room than me! (Well, not together cause Grayson WOULD accidentally kill his brother.) Hell, these kids even go to their grandparents' house. That means I'm stable, right?!
Buttttttt............what am I gonna do when they start school? Or drive? Or move out? Oh geez...all that stuff's really gonna happen. Am I going to outgrow these delusions?
Well crazy mommy is checking out. I have to take their temperatures in case they caught H5n1 during nap time.
You crack me up! My sister is the same way! You are a wonderful Mommy and were even before you gave birth to your two precious boys. I saw it first hand!
ReplyDeleteThanks Amanda! I'm glad you're reading! It's nice to know someone is :)
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