'Til Death Do Us Part

Someday, these kids are going to leave me. These little brats are just going to walk right out that door and move into their own dorm or apartment. Maybe marry some little chic with an attitude problem. And they're probably going to think this is completely acceptable! Like all the hours I've spent cleaning them and feeding them and playing with them and worrying about them doesn't even matter at all! Like it's a normal thing to do...just grow up and move on. They're gonna leave me with nothing! NOTHING AT ALL!!!! Oh shit.......I'm married.  I always forget that.

It's not that I don't talk to my husband daily. He doesn't work out of town or spend 90 hours a week at the office. He just gets put on the back burner. A lot. I'm cheating on him emotionally with these two little babies that seem to run my life.  He is an excellent father and I watch him with our boys and my heart swells with pride at how much they love each other. Grayson cries when daddy leaves in the morning and watches at the window for his return. My sweet husband checks on them throughout the day and includes them in everything he does when he's home. He adores them! And the feeling is mutual.

 I complain when he wants to go on a date with me. I whine when he wants the kids out of our bed. I get angry when he talks of going out of town for a weekend, just us. Lord knows I need a break from these adorable little monsters. And these kids love going to their grandparents house. So what's the hold up?  I want to be married forever. I don't ever want to live a day without being married to this man. So why do I refuse to work for it? My marriage is a full time job. We are two very difficult, opinionated, high-maintenance people. This ship isn't going to stay afloat without us paddling. And I've just been coasting. I choose to try harder. I choose to do my part. Because I want to. Because I deserve to be this happy. And my husband does too. We started this family. We are the foundation for it.  And when these little ones run screaming toward their independence, I want it to be okay cause we still have each other day in and day out. Maybe I'll let him plan that weekend away after all :)